Adoption Is A Marriage, Not A Transaction: Courageous Considerations

Reforming the Adoption Industry: A Call for Truth, Protection, and Love

In recent years, the adoption industry has shifted its messaging, urging expectant mothers and prospective adoptive parents toward open adoption. The reasoning behind this is subject to personal opinion, and for the sake of this blog I'm going to save that for another day. On the surface, this sounds ideal: an agreement where natural families remain involved in the child’s life, and the child grows up knowing their roots and the truth of their story.

But there’s a devastating flaw in this promise—open adoption is not legally binding. And because of that, thousands of natural families and adoptees are left betrayed, silenced, and broken by a system that offers hope but delivers heartbreak.

In 2019, I became one of those families.

At the most vulnerable point in my life, I made what I was led to believe was the most loving and selfless decision a mother could make. I was told that choosing adoption would give my daughter a better life—because I, in that moment of struggle, was “not enough.” I was coerced into signing away my parental rights permanently, based on temporary circumstances. Let me say this for the thousandth time... Adoption does not promise a better life; it simply promises are different life.

And after signing away my rights for what I believed in my heart to be best for my daughter, all the promises made to me and to my daughter—about ongoing visitation, about an ongoing relationship, about being involved in her life—were broken.

She was legally stolen from me under the guise of love and sacrifice.

This is not an isolated story. And it’s why the adoption industry must change.

The Myth of Open Adoption

Open adoption is marketed as a modern, compassionate answer to traditional closed adoptions. But what’s rarely disclosed is that these agreements are often informal, unenforceable, and completely at the discretion of the adoptive parents after placement.

There is no legal recourse for the natural parents. No protections for the adoptee’s right to their origin. No accountability when promises are broken.

What should be a sacred relationship between two families, built around the well-being of a child, is often rushed, imbalanced, and full of fear-based tactics from a grossly high profiting industry.

We Need to Treat Adoption Like a Marriage

Adoption is not a transaction. It’s not a one-time act. It’s the beginning of a lifelong relationship—one that should mirror the commitment and intentionality of a marriage.

Just like a healthy marriage requires communication, trust, conflict resolution, and aligned values, so too should adoption.

That’s exactly why I wrote my book, Courageous Considerations.

A Tool for Families at Every Stage of Adoption

Courageous Considerations is a short but powerful workbook designed for natural families and adoptive families alike. Whether you’re considering adoption, in the middle of the process, or already years into the journey—this guide invites you to pause and revisit your foundation.

It helps families ask the tough questions:

• What does adoption mean to you?

• What do you expect from each other?

• How do you handle conflict and communicate when things get hard?

• Are you truly keeping the child at the center of this decision?

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We dive deep into:

• Communication styles

• Family history

• Navigating grief and identity

• Long-term planning

• Redefining what a “blended” family in adoption can look like

Because adoption, when done right, is not the severing of one family to create another. It’s the joining of two.

It's Time for Reformation

Adoption can still be a loving and sacrificial decision—but not at the cost of truth, not at the cost of coercion, and not without consent and clarity. The system needs to prioritize ethical practices, legal protections for natural families, and genuine commitment to child-centered outcomes.

We must move away from performative open adoptions and toward relational adoptions—where two families are joined in love, transparency, and respect.

Join the Movement

If you believe in healthier family units, if you’ve been impacted by adoption, or if you simply believe in reforming systems built on outdated or harmful practices, then I invite you to join the conversation.

📘 Grab your copy of Courageous Considerations or purchase a signed copy on my website, and begin the work of building stronger foundations in adoption.

💬 Share this post, start discussions, challenge the narrative, and advocate for policies that protect all families involved in the adoption triad.

Let’s stop pretending adoption ends at placement. Let’s start building families that last—through honesty, healing, and courageous conversation.

Because our children deserve nothing less.

Would you like a promotional blurb or quote graphic to help market the book as well?